When Something Goes Wrong, You Blame Yourself First
Your Guide
Dr. Femke Bakker is a Selfgentleness guide, meditation teacher, political psychologist and former actor. For decades she was the strong one, tired and hard on herself, until she found a gentler way she now calls selfgentleness.
Journey Description
Something goes wrong, and before you have had time to think, a voice inside you has already decided whose fault it is.
You know that voice. It is fast, it is familiar, and it usually sounds like it is telling you the truth.
This journey is about what you say to yourself when you get something wrong, and what becomes possible when that changes. Across five tracks you listen to that voice, question whether its harshness ever really helped, and practice turning toward yourself instead. You will not be asked to fight it, silence it, or fix yourself.
Each track is around ten minutes, with a guided practice and something to reflect on.
Journey Tracks
Before We Begin
A short welcome, and one promise: you will not be asked to fight that inner critical voice, or to fix yourself.
The Voice That Speaks First
Before you have finished noticing what went wrong, something has already spoken. Today we do nothing except listen to it, and hear what it actually says. Afterwards, write down its real words, not the polite version.
Read more: drfemkebakker.com/2026/04/16/inner-critic-examples/
Does Being Hard On Yourself Actually Help?
You keep the harshness because it feels like it makes you better. This track asks whether that is true, and what it has cost you along the way. Afterwards, think of a mistake you did learn from. What actually taught you, the harshness or the mistake itself?
Read more: https://drfemkebakker.com/2025/11/19/how-to-stop-being-critical-of-yourself/
Turning Toward Yourself Instead of Against Yourself
What to do in the moment itself, when the feeling is still in your chest. A simple practice for meeting yourself rather than turning away. Afterwards, write down what came back when you asked yourself what you needed. And whether it is something you could give yourself this week.
Read more: drfemkebakker.com/2025/08/02/tuning-in/
When Knowing Is Not Enough
Sometimes you see the whole pattern clearly and still cannot choose yourself. This track is about that place, and why being stuck there is not evidence that nothing has changed. Afterwards, write down what keeps you there.
Read more: drfemkebakker.com/2025/10/14/self-care-for-caregivers/
The Promise You Make Yourself
A practice you can keep, and a promise made to the person you usually leave until last. Afterwards, write down the smallest thing you could say no to, or ask for help with.
If you would like to know which patterns are running in your own life, I made a quiz for you. It will not tell you anything is wrong with you (because there isn't anything wrong with you). It will tell you where you are already being harder on yourself than you would ever be with someone you love.
Here is the link: https://drfemkebakker.com/take-the-quiz
Listen to the Full Journey
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